Decisions, decisions…

Since becoming a mum I see the world in a different way. It’s no longer only what will affect me in my lifetime that concerns me, I also spend a lot of my time thinking about what will happen in my daughter's life too.

I don’t want to get political here, but, there are many things happening at the moment which will affect not just the country we live in, but the entire planet. Before getting pregnant I would only have had a small interest in these issues but now I feel like I have to get involved for the sake of my child. My actions are going to shape my baby into the child, teenager and the woman she will become. I want her to have all the opportunities that I had and more. I don’t want her to have to worry about things that children shouldn't need to be worried about.

It’s not just the outside world. Almost everything I do now concerns my daughter and I spend much of my time wondering what the consequences will be for her. Obviously, I want the best for her, the same as any other parent, but, quite frankly, I don’t think there is a consensus on what is best. I’m willing to bet that even my husband and I have a different view on what is best. It sometimes feels like parenting involves a lot "winging it" and that’s rather scary.

We’ll be making a lot of decisions throughout her life that will affect her, directly and indirectly, and it seems like there’s so much pressure to get them right. My husband asked me the other day if I thought we should put her name down for a nursery. I was completely shocked. She’s 11 weeks old. But apparently, that’s what people do. Who knew? Not me! But it got me thinking about when it is time for nursery, and school for that matter. I want her to go to a good school, but, I also know we'll probably end up moving in the future, so that’s another decision to make. Wherever we choose to live needs to be right for Molly, just as much as for me and Sam.

It’s so strange to suddenly be responsible for another person. The things I do not only affect me now so I feel like I have to be a lot more careful and mindful before I do things. It’s a lot of pressure. It’s scary, but I can’t spend my time in fear because that will only teach her to do the same. Parenting is hard. In the moment it’s easy, but looking at the bigger picture, it’s going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. All I can do is my best and hope I make the right choices for Molly. Only time will tell.

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